On The Crest Of A Wave – a 100 word story

Below is this week’s 100 word story for Friday Fictioneers based on the photo prompt which comes courtesy of ©Jan Wayne Fields

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Friday Fictioneers prompt for January 16, 2015 ©Jan Wayne Fields

On The Crest Of A Wave

The ocean was still there but Jeremy couldn’t see it anymore.

Those who thought him paranoid didn’t know what he had witnessed as a boy, or how the builder in question threatened to make his life miserable if he told. That builder had accumulated wealth, power and property in the intervening years. He kept his promise to make Jeremy’s life miserable, the latest scheme being the new houses blocking Jeremy’s sea view.

Watching the waves break had been Jeremy’s only therapy.

He set the table to make things look normal. All that remained was to ensure both buildings were destroyed while making it look like an accident.

©Siobhán McNamara

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46 Responses to On The Crest Of A Wave – a 100 word story

  1. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Siobhan,

    This is a story after my own heart. One can only sit still for so much abuse. i found myself hoping the builder would be in the two buildings to be leveled. That you gave us the sea view as a major factor in your story even though it was never ‘seen’ I found to be quite imaginative. It added to and informed the tale. Very well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. Oh .. finally the string will break.. there is a limit what you can take.. and seeing walls instead of waves is certainly one thing that would make a person act.

  3. Sandra says:

    An imaginative take on the prompt with a twist towards the end. Nice one Siobhan.

  4. Michael B. Fishman says:

    This was an interesting story because it impacts on two levels. The first on the evils of urban sprawl and the loss of natural habitat and the desire to stop it and the second on the mystery of what Jeremy witnessed as a child. I would have liked this week to be 120 words so we could have witnessed the buildings coming down!

  5. Your story is filled with knots of anxiety, very intense. And again, great title.

  6. You left me wondering what trauma brought him to this point but no matter what it was, you deftly conveyed his desire for revenge.

    janet

  7. An interesting character study… to be honest, I felt the revenge bit at the end a little too tacked on — like you ran out of room, but that so often happens in a 100 word limit. Well written nonetheless.

  8. I love that the man in the picture is looking out and now we imagine the sea behind the building he can see. One tiny niggle – the builder said he would make Jeremy’s life miserable if he told. And now that the builder is doing that, doesn’t it mean that Jeremy told? The police or whoever?

    • Hi Claire, thanks for reading 🙂
      What he witnessed was more of a moral /ethical wrong than a criminal one, or at least,. not one that made it to the prosecution stage. A lot of corruption in the planning/development sector was exposed here in the last decade and the powers-that-be were right in the thick of it – cash filled brown envelopes changing hands in dark car parks etc, so I was thinking along those lines. That a character such as the developer in this story could be facilitated in exacting a lifetime of revenge against someone who raised questions about his integrity (even if that someone was only a child at the time) sadly isn’t that far-fetched.

  9. Interesting war between these two and I pick the side of Jeremy. 🙂

  10. draliman says:

    It looks like the builder has finally pushed Jeremy too far. Everybody has a breaking point.

  11. BrainRants says:

    Revenge can be sweet. Always avoid the quiet types.

  12. I’m with Jeremy on this one. Blow the things up. And then go for the planning authorities.

  13. Double revenge. First the builder making Jeremy’s life hell and now Jeremy plotting. This has obviously been a long standing feud and makes me want to know more. I really enjoyed your different take on the prompt.

  14. Margaret says:

    You’ve told so much in your story – I feel Jeremy’s plight, and his life of persecution by the builder. Nice ending – he really has no choice but to act decisively.

  15. I’m surprised he didn’t to it sooner! 🙂 How terrible to look at grey stone walls instead of ocean waves.

  16. You’ve created a bit of a mystery. I like it. You have me wondering what Jeremy witnessed so long ago. I don’t condone revenge, but sometimes enough is enough.

    • Thanks Lisa 🙂
      Regarding what he witnessed, the ideas for this story come from the exposure of a lot of corruption in planning in Ireland, including the involvement of those who were powerful enough to stop anything being done about it but chose to play the game themselves

  17. Ooo, i really want to know what happens next!!!!

    Great story, very suspenseful!

  18. storydivamg says:

    It’s time to topple the walls of Jericho indeed. I hope the “project” is a success, and I’m with Doug in hoping that contractor meets his demise in the event.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  19. adamjasonp says:

    How could the destruction of two buildings look like an accident?  (Besides a massive fire, I guess.)

  20. Dear Siobhán,

    It sounds like Jeremy’s view of the sea will soon be unobstructed. Clever tale.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  21. Siobhán, this is masterful! The first line is like an opening to a delicious novel… it totally hooked me! The rest is perfectly crafted and compelling on so many levels– love this! As a reader, the final sentence seemed a bit out of line with the rest. It was such a shrewdly written story, that a “twist” threw me off. I’m sharing that opinion because I think this is so good, I want to be totally up front– it’s a story that stands out!

    • Thank you Dawn, your feedback is greatly appreciated 🙂
      I think I might re-work this as a slightly longer piece and focus more on the character than on what is in the picture.

      • I was hoping you might say that! 😉 I think this would be a really fabulous short story. To me, the revenge isn’t key, it’s the mental toll of losing his view, and seeing his world change… very powerful. I hope you’ll share it later?

  22. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Siobhan, Love his plan and a good way to get rid of his blocked view! Devious and good! Nan 🙂

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