Incommunicado – a 100-word story

This week I am combining the Velvet Verbosity #385 word prompt ‘Transistor’ with the Friday Fictioneers picture prompt below.

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Friday Fictioneers picture prompt for 11/07/2014 courtesty of ©Kelly Sands

 

Incommunicado

She watched him pick a spring from the bed to make the transistor.
His plan was to kill the guards when they brought in food, and then transmit a message before those downstairs grew suspicious. It was dangerous, but their kidnappers needed them alive.
‘Tomorrow,’ he whispered.
She looked at her hands that were not killing hands.

Next morning he looked through the sealed skylight.
‘Not today,’ he said. ‘Too many clouds.’
She sobbed silently into her pillow, knowing his radio would never work. Her brother was the son of the government’s communications guru, but he was only six years old.

©Siobhán McNamara

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40 Responses to Incommunicado – a 100-word story

  1. draliman says:

    The lad has spirit, he’s not willing to give up! I hope they’ll be okay.

  2. Well they have to try anyway! Great story 🙂

  3. Liked this so much I read it three times!

  4. It seams we are repeating comments, but I too liked it so much. Little brave boy.

  5. Sandra says:

    I read this twice, because at first I thought it was just some make-believe adventure. Then I read the comments and went back to re-read. I love ambiguity, and you’ve executed this really well.

    • Thanks Sandra, I was trying to capture the child’s perspective, so in the boy’s head it was more like an adventure while the girl was more aware of the reality. Thanks for taking the time to re-read!

  6. camgal says:

    Awww…precious. I really liked it and felt it all the way.

  7. Nice piece. I enjoyed it.
    I liked the line, “She looked at her hands that were not killing hands.”
    Randy

  8. rgayer55 says:

    Very tight writing, Siobhan. I love where this is headed.

  9. Somewhere here’s a big story trying to get out. Clever ending.

  10. Great story, Siobhan! Imaginative take on the prompt.

  11. “She looked at her hands that were not killing hands.” Love that line.

  12. Maybe, just maybe. Sometimes six year olds are more clever than we old folk. Great story.

  13. Dear Siobhán,

    I read and reread. Her brother does seem to be a precocious six year old. Hopefully things will work out. Nice one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  14. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Siobhan,

    The minute you had the little brother making a transistor from a spring I knew he was either an incompetent McGuyver or a six year old boy. I’ve been both. A grand story that takes us for a wild ride before returning us to the grim reality of a prison cell.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  15. Siobhan, Good story with a great twist at the end. Great description that put me at the scene. Well written. 🙂 —Susan

  16. Liz Young says:

    Why assume a six-year-old won’t manage it? Resourceful creatures, kids!

  17. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Siobhan, Great story and just because the brother is only 6 years old, my grandson can put together stuff that I didn’t learn until I was in college. And computers – he is a whiz at, so maybe the six year old brother will come through – I’ll keep my fingers crossed! Nan 🙂

  18. high five and raspberries says:

    Fantastic story Siobhan! Wishing them luck!

  19. Wonderful take on the prompt.

  20. hafong says:

    He might be six, but he could be a wizard with transmitting. Her hands are not killing hands, but who knows…..

    Lily

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